AF? yes...no?!?!

Well for a couple of days now I have been getting symptoms like my AF is coming.. Like the cramping (thats really it) feels like its going to come any moment at times. Over the weekend it was crazy!!! and my RE office did mention that if my proges is too low then it will trigger my AF to want to start.. OH WOE IS ME!!! I DONT WANT THAT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
But God knows my desires and thoughts and I do believe that He has me in His arms. But its just hard to go through this month to month.. It is sooo draining.


God Please Help Me!

Weekend RECAP;Got my Car..Got a shot..Tired..Got to go to school!

Finally got my car back and she runs smooooooth! I LOVE my Honda!!! My DH wanted to take it from me.. I was like N-O! lol!!! not after my looong 6 months of not having it at ALL! My goodness how I missed my car!

So we went to Elizabeth NJ with our church last night.. Not bad going up but coming home was crazy!!! Wait let me take that back! b/c on our way up there we hit MAJOR conjestion then we got there and it was a store front church (not that its a bad thing) but there was no AC! Well they had one in the top of the door when you walked in but when you went in the sanctuary.. u started to sweat like u were in a sweat shop! LOL! Now dont get me wrong.. the preaching and teachings of my Bishop were on point as usual but just that hot stuffyness was not cool!! LOL! Even one of their speakers blew! and if you ever been around one then you would know what that odor is like! YUK! I thought I was gonna PUKE!! AUGH!!! Any how.. we got home somwhere close to the midnight hour and I had my dr. appt this morning @ 730am!

So I got my BW done to check my progest. still waitng for the call bck for those results..

God I want so bad to be pregnant... please see my heart and desire for children!

Tonight after I get off from work.. still have to run to my school to get everything ready for next week when I start! YAY!!! :D

So that is def. exciting for me and something to look forward too.. Also, I have a short week.. Im off on Friday! OH YEAH!!! its our convocation AND I take my blood PG test too! So PLEASE LORD show me FAVOR!!!! and everyone keep me in your prayers and good wishes.. Feel free to start from now! I want that Favor to come upon my life! I pray God sees it fit for it to happen NOW!!!!!!!

** UPDATE**

MY MOOD IS BACK TO GLUM... AND IM SERIOUSLY STARTING TO DISLIKE AND DISPISE PREGNANT WOMEN AND WOMEN WHO HAVE LITTLE BABIES.. ITS REALLY STARTING TO SET IN B/C IM HAVING SUCH A HARD TIME.. WHY ME LORD? WHY DO I HAVE TO GO THROUGH THIS STRUGGLE AMUNG OTHER THINGS THAT I HAVE TO ENDURE?! ITS NOT FAIR..!!!! IM TIRED OF THIS! I HAVE FAITH BUT IM STILL TIRED PHYSICALLY AND ITS GETTING TO ME.. SO I HAD TO GET ANOTHER INJECTION! WHATEVER! IM JUST READY FOR MY BLESSING TO COME.. IM SERIOUSLY WANTING TO BE DONE W/ THIS.. AND POSSIBLY GETTING AN IUI.. IF THAT WILL WORK.. I HAVE A CONSULT W/ MY RE ON FRIDAY.. WE WILL SEE..

Progesterone ... oooh!

Well maybe I shouldnt be stressed as yet but it bothers me when stuff just doesnt look as good as it should. Went for my progesteron and was told that its borderline normal.. which doesnt mean that im not pregnant(-which i was told). but i cant help but to think that b/c if i am then its supposed to be higher to support my yolk sac.. It is so frustrating! I have to go bck to the dr. office today to get a 200ml suppositry that i have to take every night for about 9 days then take a proj and oil injection today when I go back!
:(

IM JUST A LITTLE BUMMED TODAY B/C FOR ONCE I WOULD LIKE MY BODY TO WORK THE WAY THAT ITS SUPPOSED TO BE! IM SOOOOO TIRED OF DISAPPOINTMENTS!

**update**
WENT TO THE DR AND GOT MY SHOT.. SUPRISINGLY IT WAS IN MY BUTT!! lol! BLASTED LUNCH TRAFFIC...I WAS LATE FOR WORK LIKE 20 MIN LATE!!! UGH!!! AND MY JOB IS AWESOME TO ALREADY WORK WITH ME WITH SUCH SHORT NOTICE.. ILL MAKE IT UP.. BUT ANYHOW.. GOT MY SUPPOSITORS IN THE FRIDGE.. TAKING IT TONIGHT.. SHOT IS KIND OF MAKING ME DIZZY! WOOOOO...WOOO... LOL!

Vrrooom... Vrroooommm... VRROOOOOOOOOMMMMMMM!!

( Not my car actually.. but a picture of the closest one online that I found)

I get my car back on friday!!! YAY!!! I miss my Honda! Driving one car has its advantages and disadvantages.. its good b/c it saves gas and I get to spend time w/ my DH.. but its hard when we have appointments or have to do different things or wait for one of us for school or work! UGH!!! it can get frustrating then! ... but im glad that we will have a choice now to ride together or what not! YAY!!!!! Its been since Feburary of this year 6 WHOLE months! haha!! half of a YEAR! WOW! SoooOOOooo when I go to my appt on Friday I will be driving my own car!!! YIPEEE!!! I miss it!

BTW.. what was wrong with it was that I messed up the engine.. I busted some gaskets?!? (i dont know what that means.. but its expensive!)

Oh yeah... and I had to cancel my Appt with my RE consultation.. more because of the money situation w/ the co pays being $30.00 each visit... so now I am just waitng for my progesterone to be checked on friday and monday and go back on friday for my bw preg. test.. if im not preggers then ill reschedule the appt for the consult w/ the dr.. im just so ready to be preggers.. I am praying that the Lord hears my desires and will come through for me..

Please, Lord Please,.. I declare In my life a child! In the name of Jesus!

Oh yeah... forgot to say..yesterday I wanted to take a preg test.. (just because) yah, yah.. i know its too early and the HcG may give me a false positive but I just HAD to do it b/c I just wanted to see a positive on a preg test.. I never did after all the tests that Ive had and I just wanted to see it for once.. so anyway, I took it! lol! a cheap one from a dollor store.. but I did see a faint pos.. sorry couldnt post it... didnt have a camera to take the pic.. but it was there.. now I am not too excited about it as I explained to reasoning above.. but I at least felt a little joy and it gave me hope that I may just be pregnant! Oh! that would be sooo lovely! I am soo ready to be a mommy! I cant wait!! I want my baby!! :)
Thank you Lord!

Sometimes I have to remind myself why I am doing this blog. Its for encouragement and maybe even help for others who may go through what I am going through. But I have to do this b/c some days I dont feel like writing but I know that this is apart of the process.

I am happy to inform all my readers that I have Ovulated!!!! YIPEEEEE 4 MEEEEEeeeee!!!! I am sooo excited.. I think that I am preggers!!! I really have a good feeling that I am!! We will see.. all my appts. are lined up to check my levels and stuff.. Im sooo excited!!!! YES!!!

Thank you God!!!! I am sooo greatful!

I am officially on my 2WW!!

Yeah, its exciting to be on my 2ww.. I went to the dr. office on Sat. morning to have my post coital test and everything looked Great!! the kids are moving in the right direction and my CM is right on the money.. Just hoping that the HcG injection allowed me to O and my egg is waiting there patiently AND they FINALLY get to meet! :)

I am soo excited and hoping that this is it. The only side effects Ive noticed aside from the extremely sore leg where I got my HcG shot in the thigh from.. was sore breasts and nausea. Also Ive noticed a little cramping on the right side (where my Follicle is) and also bad gas starting from last night! HA!!! TMI moment.. Oh well.. its my blog and that's what its here for anyways... :P

So I'm just waiting... waiting... waiting... but also praying.. praying... praying...praying... for my blessing to have come because I have also read a lot of pple who got the shot and still nothing.. so I'm praying for something and my baby to stick and have a healthy full term pregnancy! God please hear my prayers!!! Love always! :)

YiiiiiiPeeeeee!!!!!

Got my HcG shot today!!! so that way I should be able to "O" tonight!!!! YYYYeeeessss!!!! My follicle grew to about 33cm!! YAY!! and hormones are still up there even though of the slight drop yesterday.. but that doesn't matter b/c the HcG shot will blast them back up there and my follicle should burst and I should O tonight when me and DH do our thang! haha!!! :)

I'm soooo happy .. this could be it! I am praying that it is!! Tomorrow I'm going back in for another appt for my post coital test (confirmed) and again on Monday for verification that I did "O" I'm sooooOOooooo Excited!!!! YAY!!

WoW!

Today I went to the dr and just got my BW.. did the BD in the morning!! (dont be mad at me) haha!!! love u!!! ............... anyway.. my estrogen levels have dropped a little from 344- 316. Its not good if I'm trying to "O" because I would need my levels to continue to increase so that It will start my LH and FSH to help release the egg. So I will have to go back to the doc tomorrow to get another U/S and more BW and possibly a HcG injection to help stimulate the "O". Then I may need to come back on Saturday to do this Post Coital test.. which I keep on mentioning but have never done yet.. lol!!!

Dream: I had a dream last night that my estrogen levels dropped and little and it actually happened!! lol! weird?!?! right!?!?! well anyway.. I told the nurse that and she started laughing b/c it really did happen! lol!!!!!

Other than that.. I really have a good feeling that this month I will conceive... don't know what it is.. and being that the doc is monitoring me like everyday is a good thing too and will def. be a big help with helping me conceive this month!!! I'm so excited!!

Pray for me!!!!!

Today and Tomorrow

ABOVE ( Just an image I saw in my mind yesterday and wanted to post something similar to what I saw)

Went to get my BW and US done today. US showing my follicle getting BIGGER!!! I saw that sucker as soon as they went in w/ the probe! lol!!! It went from like 10cm to 18cm in about 4 days!!! lol! they also said that my wall lining is thickening!! so it looks like I'm surely going to O this month!! YAY for meee!!! but its still (according to the dr's) not normal at the cycle that I'm on only CD#6.. they say its something that should happen around CD#14 and on.... ( shrugging shoulders)

Anyhow they did my BW and show that my hormones are supporting my follicle but just no LH charge as yet.. so they want me and DH to do some BDing tonight and then come in tomorrow morning for more BW and I guess do a post coital test on me at that time.. I dont know.. but what I do know is that these appts. are hurting my pockets SERIOUSLY!!! esp. since each visit is like $30!! lol! b/c of my co pay .. but if its going to give me my blessing then I am okay with it. I just need it to come on! lol!!!!!

Love you God!! ;0)

Be Careful of what you ask for..... and other stuff!

LOL! yeah I'm complaining now b/c its like my AF is taking literally FOREVER to finish.. I need to meditate... huuuuuummmmmmmm.... huuuuuuuuummmmm.... huuuuuuuuuuummmmmm...huuuuuuuuuuummmmmmmm :0)

Okay I'm good now! so I get a call from my RE and they tell me that my insurance is not covering my bills b/c they say that this is a pre-existing condition! LIARS! I just got diagnosed with PCOS in July (last month) and have never seen a Doc for these problems because no one would take the time to properly diagnose me!!! My Goodness!!! I guess that waiting was going to be b/c of this insurance problem from when I didn't receive any help with my situation because in order for them to review my coverage I have to get 6 months of my prev records from my primary phys and from this doctor for them to realize that I didn't have any previous condition! oh!!! But God is good and I remembered His goodness and that he is faithful to those who are faithful in Him. So I stopped worrying and started to place all my worries and cares in His hands because He has this! I Love the Lord! Its a comfort that all things will be alright. Even though sometimes we can get wrapped up in the worries of this world its good to know that there is someone else there that is able to handle this all and will take our burdens if we just give it to Him! I love Him sooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo much!!!

I love my family, my husband ( I can never say that too much) My mom and dad and sisters( same with them) .. and of course my friends and close supporters!

OOooooKaaayyy!! Saturday was CD#1 My bad!@

Yeah.. so I guess Sat was CD1 and friday may just have been heavy spotting.. but hey! how would I have known Ive never had that before. N E WAYZzzz..... So I went to the dr on saturday morning and they did UA and I got BW and it turns out I had a left over follicle and its producing estrogen and I couldnt start my clomid yet because they wanted me to get bw and an0ther US today.. So I went this morning and they told me the same thing.. the follicle is still being supported by estrogen and its even bigger.. they said its not common but it does happen that i have it so early in my cycle. They my do a post coital test on me and told me that I may be able to just have intercourse w/out the clomid to try to get preggers! its sounds good but w/ my track record for over a year I am a little discouraged.. Why does this have to happen to me! as soon as I get the script for something that I wanted for about a year now and there is no way that I can use it! I really need some kind of support. I dont even want to be at work today because of this! Its frustrating, upsetting, sometimes depresssing, hurtful ! every emotion that isnt good for me right now. whatever! I can only do what God has set before me.

I think that im going to buy an OPK soon.. since my levels are high that should mean that I will be ovulating.. right?!?! so im going to buy one and see.. cant hurt, right!?!? ill wait for my dr appt on wed to see what im going to do first if they tell me that im looking like im going to O then ill get it... pray for me!!!
Prayerfully yours.

Its Here!! Its Herrrrrrrreee! ;)

Well it came today!!! Well at least a normal flow and I called the dr office to get an appointment to come in. So I will be in tomorrow to get my perscription for clomid. I am praying that it doesnt stop and start spotting again b/c I really want to move on from this point!
im just annoyed to day .. dont know if its b/c of my "friend" or just annoying pple on the phone that i have to deal with! ANNOYING is the best word I can use right now !

Not quite there yet !?!?

lol! had spotting last night but no real flow! so hopefully it will come any day now! Pray for me!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! ;)
oh well.. some more babies r us!! yay!!!! ;0)

UUUUUUUUUUUUUuuuuuugGGGGhhhHHH!!!

STILL NO AF!!! WHAT THE HECK IS GOING ON .. ITS BEEN 5 DAYS SO FAR!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I AM FEELING THE SIDE EFFECTS BUT STILL NOT EVEN A SPOT! GOOD GREIF! I KNOW IM SUPPOSED TO BE PATIENT.. BUT WHY IS IT NOT COMING?????????

****SORRY... JUST HAD TO VENT!! ****

Anywhoo... to build my spirits I think that I will enlighten your vision with some baby stuff that I have seen so far that has caught my attentions.. bedding for her ...

bedding for him...

bedding for both...

.... If I have the time I'll probobly post some of the cribs that I like.....

A prayer from me to you...

Just thought I should share with anyone who is willing to read it. I shared it with my friends and felt compelled to share this prayer:

Heavenly Father, most Gracious and Loving God, I pray to you that you
abundantly bless my family and me. I know that you recognize, that a
family is more than just a mother, father, sister, brother, husband and
wife, but all who believe and trust in you. Father, I send up a prayer
request for blessings for not only the person who sent this to me, but
for me and all that I have forwarded this message on to. And that the
power of joined prayer by those who believe and trust in you is more
powerful than anything. I thank you in advance for your blessings.

Father God, deliver the person reading this right now from debt and
debt's burdens. Release Your Godly wisdom that I may be a good steward
over all that You have given me Father, for I know how wonderful and
mighty You are and how if we just obey You and walk In Your word and
have the faith of a mustard seed that You will pour out blessings. I
thank You now Lord for the recent blessings I have received and for the
blessings yet to come because I know You are not done with me yet. In
Jesus' name, I pray. Amen.

Happy Monday to all!

I am finally finished my provera as of 8/1/08! WHOOO HOOO!! Now just patiently waiting for AF. Have felt a little pressure as if it is going to start soon but still nothing as yet. (geez.. who would of thought that I would be happy to get my AF!!!) go figure!! lol! I just know that I want to start my clomid! I am just being patient because I KNOW that its going to happen. My prayer is that on my first round of clomid and metformin that I will conceive. I LOVE children and babies. They are so wonderful, precious and beautiful!