I had my doc appt back on 12/9. Everything was good.. the baby didnt want to cooperate with the doppler and we couldnt get a heartbeat that easily. So she did the ultra sound and we saw the baby!!! YAY!!!! :D
It was wiggeling all over the place! my snookums!!! :) But I was happy to see the heartbeating.. u know when u are pregnant u hear all these stories about women who loose the heartbeat or even their baby.. God knows that I dont want to think negative and def. do not even want to think about that happening to my baby.. my blessing.. but I just knew everything would be okay when I saw the heart beating! my precious baby!! i love it sooo much!! I can fell the womb getting bigger but not really my overall body.. which is a good thing.. i guess! but I would prefer to get bigger if its better for the baby.. But God knows what is best! and I do trust Him!
I am sooooooo happy about my pregnancy and Thank God sooooo much!!!!!!!
I get to know the baby's sex on Jan. 12!!! YAY!! I hope that the baby cooperates and I get to know on that day.. Im going to start my registry on that day if we get to know.. Ill be too excited to work or do anything except baby stuff!! :D

How am I feeling?

Well its been a different battle everyday.. My back is starting to ache.. and I am feeling nauseous still.. not as bad as before but its still lingering around.. mucous is now starting to take over my nasal area.. blowing my nose is getting annoying esp. when its there but doesn't want to come out.. Ive been getting lower ab pains.. not bad ones but I guess to remind me that my uterus is still getting bigger.. I have these terrible migraines too! UGH! never before had I had any of these kinds of migraines. Its to the point where I am about to cry!

But overall I am not complaining.. I am truly blessed. I pray that the baby is doing fine and that all will be well for a full term and healthy pregnancy and baby. I pray all things will be done according to God's will. I have my next appt coming up on Tuesday and I'm excited to see how big the baby has gotten and I am anxious to hear the heart beat or to at least see that my baby's heart is still pumping good at a good rate and everything is okay as far as their vital signs..

I cant wait to find out if I'm having a boy or girl.. Its sooo exciting its like having a present and not opening it until Christmas! lol! I had a magicbaby doll back when I was younger and to know if you had a boy or girl there was this letter that u submerged in water and it told her along w/ a phony birth certificate of your baby.. its was the coolest thing ever.. b/c when you bought it in the store you never knew how much hair or which sex you had! lol! It sort of feels like this now.. I'm soooo excited!!! BUT I can be patient and wait for the right time!

Hopefully I can get some of my pics posted soon!!

Last appt. W/ RE :(

Got hugs today and wishes of best of luck for me and the baby.. it was my last visit going to my RE. I told them that I will keep in touch with the babies delivary and photos.. They are just as excited as I am! lol! I love that!

The baby was moving all over the place today!!! my goodness! Baby P was sooo active! HR= 165.. sooooo cute! I love my baby!!

Changing Over

So this Friday will be my last appt. with my RE!! :(
I really love my RE and staff .. they are the best! and I have grown a bond with them and all.. Its just sad that I have to go now.. but its for the better.. and its a good thing.. I am now going to be going to a regular OB which I had my first visit today.. and I must say that I LOVE HER!!! She is young and soooo extra nice.. I didn't feel uncomfortable at all and she is closer to my job so it will be easier for me to go to my appts. and she has lat hours which are good too!! YAY!! I feel very optimistic and feel that this transition is going to be really smooth.

I have been getting my ultrasounds every week and got my pictures of my wonderful baby!! lol! Ill be posting them soon.. just have to scan them in my computer.. I need to get out of this procrastination mode! UGH!!

I am sometimes still in shock with my whole pregnancy.. I mean.. tracking it is unbelievable to me to show how far I have come. I am sooooooooooooo thankful and definitely blessed that the clomid worked after just one cycle. and I definitely thank GOD for Everything.. with out him... I don't know how I would of made it. I am sooo greatful unto Him! THANK YOU JESUS!!!!!!!!!!!

Almost about 3 months now.. I will be on Thanksgiving! lol! How convenient! haha!!!
My baby's heart rate is up around 160 bpm and the baby moves around when I see it on the monitor.. I cant wait until I can tell if it is a boy or girl!!!! :) But I can def. be patient!!

Not feeling so hot today

So I havent really been having morning sickness.. but I do get little queasy nausous feelings throughout the day occasionally.. its really annoying at times.. and I dont know what to do to get this feeling to go away..

So I am praying that my pregnancy is going well.. I pray everything will be a healthy full term pregnancy.. My next US will be on Friday! im excited!! cant wait! i should hear a heart beat hopefully with this one!!

BFP!!! BFP!!!!! BFP!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Took me a while to update my blog.. but I am happy to inform that by the grace of God, me and my DH are PREGGERS!!!!!!!!!!! YAY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Uh oh! the AF twinge!

Dreaded AF!!! I just got a twinge just like a minute ago.. I had to hurry and sign in to write about it...

BTW!! ITS MY BIRTHDAY!!!!! HAPPY BIRTH DAY TO ME!!!!

But back to the dreaded!! I am of course praying for my BFP this month.. but I felt it..

so im getting my emotions ready to handle the possible BFN now.. being that I wont be going back to the doc until im in a better position..

That way it wont be too mad.. but i have to admit every hang up is a big heart ache! unfortunately I still have to prepare myself so that I dont have a huge fall..

I ddint take on of my injections last night.. I was just tired of it! its annoying and I was tired..

if one day messed me up.. then its def. not meant to be..

ive been thinking a lot about adoption.. i know im still young but still its an option that i was thinking about just in case.. for sometime down the road.. (sigh)

Whew! its been a while

I havent been keeping up as much as I have wanted to. I have just been so busy with everything in my world.
I have since been instructed to take my progesterone shots every night up until 9/28 because on 9/29 I will be taking my pregnancy test.
I want to say that this is the month.. but it is all in Gods hands.. one can never know until it is so.
I have also missed my first progesterone appointment.. its just too much.. i have another one on thursday.. so hopefully i will be able to make it and my results will look good. I really dont have time to be dissappointed anymore. I want to move on from TTC.. I am so fed up and frustrated at the fact that its taking so long.
I will def. be taking time off and coming back to this later on if nothing happens.. doesnt make sense for me to continue spending money and nothing is happening..

today..

i feel like i have sooo much gas and pressure in my lower abs.. hoefully this is ovulation!!! :)
other than that i feel fine.. more bding this week and we should be good! Im praying soooo much for our BFP!!!!

hola!

Im in my Selena mood now! :)

I loved her!! Still love her music.. its like she is still here!

Im feeling 95% better today!! YAY!! Im so happy about that!!! I rested the whole weekend..

yesterday I gave myself my HCG shot! lol! i didnt think I could do it but I did.. it hurt a little but its done! :)

Next dr appt is on thurs. to check to see if ovulation occurred.. Im praying for my BFP this month!!! Lord please!

yeah... im still sick

this sucks!!! UGH! I hate being sick... no tastebuds.. all congested! and just annoyed.. at work today strugglng through.. yesterday was a half day b/c it was just too much.. if i had more sick time i would of stayed home today too! UGH! i feel horrid!!

im thinking that this is more of a sinus cold than a reg. cold.. my head is pounding and i have a lot of nasal drippage!! this SUCKS!!!!

its monday again!!! soooo mundane! UGH!

yeah.. so time must go on for things to happen... seconds, minutes, hours, weeks, months, years.. its all in this timely rehlm that we are in that defines our days and everything we do with our lives.. life goes on.. eh!

Last night was my last night of taking the clomid.. (double dosage) :)
I am a little happy .. not because i was taking them but b/c im finished them.. It made me sooo nauscious... yuk! i didnt even want to eat b/c the smells of different foods.. i never actually threw up but it felt like i was .. my head pounding and the HOT FLASHES!! My goodness!!! I adjusted my air in my home like every hour on the hour!!! GEEZ! one minute I was freezing then the next I was burning up! lol! it was crazy!!! my good ness... but i didnt get the other symptoms of sore boobies or anything.. ;) (which I am thankful for!!) I really pray that this works.. if not then im calling it quits for a while and just loosing weight and trying on our own.. im tired of spending all this money and not getting any results that i want..

i have started my attempts for working out now .. still working on the eating part.. trying to take out as much meat as I can.. too many horemones.. started to work out on the treadmill.. feel better already.. hopefully God will help me to see it through as ive done before!

oh yeah.. and the appt w/ kate was cancelled.. Actually the office called me for a later time which i couldnt do anyway.. so i told them i would just reschedule all together at a later date.. so it worked out for me to get it cancelled!! :)

T.G.I.F.

THANK GOODNESS ITS FRIDAY!!!!!! Please Lord let this day go by Fast!!!

Day 1 of ...CLOMID SIDE EFFECTS???

I AM FEELING WEIRD TODAY.... I took my first double dosage last night and felt fine.. but let me tell ya! WHEW! this morning was and is still going crazy into the late afternoon! I have had this terrible migrain which has inturn made me sick to my stomach where the smell of my BBQ left over lunch that I brought in is now making me want to HACK!
Then I have these crazy hot flashes! LOL! I kind of knew of this side effect but goodness!! I thought that I was going to faint.. I guess what is really getting to me is that the side effects didnt hit me until this morning! errrrrr!!! it just took so long for me to feel it! hmmm.. on top of the meds.. i took my morning metformin and then took 3 aleves and 2 tylonol sinus b/c this headache is one of the WORST I have ever had.. Im struggling to make it through the rest of my work day..

My voice is cracking still from the big recording the other night that our church had.. much fun!!! but strainng on my voice since I talk a lot on my job... but ill get over it i guess! lol!

I took a break... now im back

Was a little upset to find out I had a BFN took a little while to get over it.. esp when I thought that the cramping pain could have been implantation... oh the well!!
But it did take me a little longer to get back b/c I was just tired of this whole TTC thing for a while..It really takes a lot out of you! GEEZ! mentally, physically and emotinally.. Good thing that I did prepare myself for the BFN before I went in b/c I would of been a serious mess then!

So next things in effect.. met w/ my RE and he wants me to up my metformin to 2 500mg /day.. so basically 1000mg /day and also my clomid is not doubled dosages.. which is funny b/c I have not taken even the reg dosage as yet! .. Im not complaining though b/c at least ists a leap forward.. so im happy about that.. hopefully i'll have my twins! lol!!!! my boy and girl at the same time!!! YAY!! :P
But the Lord knows that I will be happy with just one too! I really hope that this is the cycle.. as I do with every other one that I have had.. but this one for sure.. b/c if not then ill be taking possibly a couple of months off due to the amount of money that is being eaten up by these $30 copays and medicine and shots that are out of pocket! Its VERY expensive and we havent even talked about an IUI or IVF!!! and my insurance doesnt cover this so thats going to be crazy if we have to go there.. but prayerfully we wont have to.

I have to meet w/ this weight management at my RE's thats recommended to all PCOS patients who are overweight.. but I am not trying to spend $50 to have someone tell me what to eat and to workout! lol! i know i have to work out.. im actually going to start working out on my mom's treadmill that she let me borrow last night.. and that another $50 that I do not have! LOL!
So ill be possibly cancelling that appt.. esp since I wont have the money for it .. this will be my second time cancelling b/c I just dont have the money for it! GEEZ! my RE really wants me to meet w/ her too.. but I feel bad b/c of the money and I REALLY dont have it like that..

AF? yes...no?!?!

Well for a couple of days now I have been getting symptoms like my AF is coming.. Like the cramping (thats really it) feels like its going to come any moment at times. Over the weekend it was crazy!!! and my RE office did mention that if my proges is too low then it will trigger my AF to want to start.. OH WOE IS ME!!! I DONT WANT THAT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
But God knows my desires and thoughts and I do believe that He has me in His arms. But its just hard to go through this month to month.. It is sooo draining.


God Please Help Me!

Weekend RECAP;Got my Car..Got a shot..Tired..Got to go to school!

Finally got my car back and she runs smooooooth! I LOVE my Honda!!! My DH wanted to take it from me.. I was like N-O! lol!!! not after my looong 6 months of not having it at ALL! My goodness how I missed my car!

So we went to Elizabeth NJ with our church last night.. Not bad going up but coming home was crazy!!! Wait let me take that back! b/c on our way up there we hit MAJOR conjestion then we got there and it was a store front church (not that its a bad thing) but there was no AC! Well they had one in the top of the door when you walked in but when you went in the sanctuary.. u started to sweat like u were in a sweat shop! LOL! Now dont get me wrong.. the preaching and teachings of my Bishop were on point as usual but just that hot stuffyness was not cool!! LOL! Even one of their speakers blew! and if you ever been around one then you would know what that odor is like! YUK! I thought I was gonna PUKE!! AUGH!!! Any how.. we got home somwhere close to the midnight hour and I had my dr. appt this morning @ 730am!

So I got my BW done to check my progest. still waitng for the call bck for those results..

God I want so bad to be pregnant... please see my heart and desire for children!

Tonight after I get off from work.. still have to run to my school to get everything ready for next week when I start! YAY!!! :D

So that is def. exciting for me and something to look forward too.. Also, I have a short week.. Im off on Friday! OH YEAH!!! its our convocation AND I take my blood PG test too! So PLEASE LORD show me FAVOR!!!! and everyone keep me in your prayers and good wishes.. Feel free to start from now! I want that Favor to come upon my life! I pray God sees it fit for it to happen NOW!!!!!!!

** UPDATE**

MY MOOD IS BACK TO GLUM... AND IM SERIOUSLY STARTING TO DISLIKE AND DISPISE PREGNANT WOMEN AND WOMEN WHO HAVE LITTLE BABIES.. ITS REALLY STARTING TO SET IN B/C IM HAVING SUCH A HARD TIME.. WHY ME LORD? WHY DO I HAVE TO GO THROUGH THIS STRUGGLE AMUNG OTHER THINGS THAT I HAVE TO ENDURE?! ITS NOT FAIR..!!!! IM TIRED OF THIS! I HAVE FAITH BUT IM STILL TIRED PHYSICALLY AND ITS GETTING TO ME.. SO I HAD TO GET ANOTHER INJECTION! WHATEVER! IM JUST READY FOR MY BLESSING TO COME.. IM SERIOUSLY WANTING TO BE DONE W/ THIS.. AND POSSIBLY GETTING AN IUI.. IF THAT WILL WORK.. I HAVE A CONSULT W/ MY RE ON FRIDAY.. WE WILL SEE..

Progesterone ... oooh!

Well maybe I shouldnt be stressed as yet but it bothers me when stuff just doesnt look as good as it should. Went for my progesteron and was told that its borderline normal.. which doesnt mean that im not pregnant(-which i was told). but i cant help but to think that b/c if i am then its supposed to be higher to support my yolk sac.. It is so frustrating! I have to go bck to the dr. office today to get a 200ml suppositry that i have to take every night for about 9 days then take a proj and oil injection today when I go back!
:(

IM JUST A LITTLE BUMMED TODAY B/C FOR ONCE I WOULD LIKE MY BODY TO WORK THE WAY THAT ITS SUPPOSED TO BE! IM SOOOOO TIRED OF DISAPPOINTMENTS!

**update**
WENT TO THE DR AND GOT MY SHOT.. SUPRISINGLY IT WAS IN MY BUTT!! lol! BLASTED LUNCH TRAFFIC...I WAS LATE FOR WORK LIKE 20 MIN LATE!!! UGH!!! AND MY JOB IS AWESOME TO ALREADY WORK WITH ME WITH SUCH SHORT NOTICE.. ILL MAKE IT UP.. BUT ANYHOW.. GOT MY SUPPOSITORS IN THE FRIDGE.. TAKING IT TONIGHT.. SHOT IS KIND OF MAKING ME DIZZY! WOOOOO...WOOO... LOL!

Vrrooom... Vrroooommm... VRROOOOOOOOOMMMMMMM!!

( Not my car actually.. but a picture of the closest one online that I found)

I get my car back on friday!!! YAY!!! I miss my Honda! Driving one car has its advantages and disadvantages.. its good b/c it saves gas and I get to spend time w/ my DH.. but its hard when we have appointments or have to do different things or wait for one of us for school or work! UGH!!! it can get frustrating then! ... but im glad that we will have a choice now to ride together or what not! YAY!!!!! Its been since Feburary of this year 6 WHOLE months! haha!! half of a YEAR! WOW! SoooOOOooo when I go to my appt on Friday I will be driving my own car!!! YIPEEE!!! I miss it!

BTW.. what was wrong with it was that I messed up the engine.. I busted some gaskets?!? (i dont know what that means.. but its expensive!)

Oh yeah... and I had to cancel my Appt with my RE consultation.. more because of the money situation w/ the co pays being $30.00 each visit... so now I am just waitng for my progesterone to be checked on friday and monday and go back on friday for my bw preg. test.. if im not preggers then ill reschedule the appt for the consult w/ the dr.. im just so ready to be preggers.. I am praying that the Lord hears my desires and will come through for me..

Please, Lord Please,.. I declare In my life a child! In the name of Jesus!

Oh yeah... forgot to say..yesterday I wanted to take a preg test.. (just because) yah, yah.. i know its too early and the HcG may give me a false positive but I just HAD to do it b/c I just wanted to see a positive on a preg test.. I never did after all the tests that Ive had and I just wanted to see it for once.. so anyway, I took it! lol! a cheap one from a dollor store.. but I did see a faint pos.. sorry couldnt post it... didnt have a camera to take the pic.. but it was there.. now I am not too excited about it as I explained to reasoning above.. but I at least felt a little joy and it gave me hope that I may just be pregnant! Oh! that would be sooo lovely! I am soo ready to be a mommy! I cant wait!! I want my baby!! :)
Thank you Lord!

Sometimes I have to remind myself why I am doing this blog. Its for encouragement and maybe even help for others who may go through what I am going through. But I have to do this b/c some days I dont feel like writing but I know that this is apart of the process.

I am happy to inform all my readers that I have Ovulated!!!! YIPEEEEE 4 MEEEEEeeeee!!!! I am sooo excited.. I think that I am preggers!!! I really have a good feeling that I am!! We will see.. all my appts. are lined up to check my levels and stuff.. Im sooo excited!!!! YES!!!

Thank you God!!!! I am sooo greatful!

I am officially on my 2WW!!

Yeah, its exciting to be on my 2ww.. I went to the dr. office on Sat. morning to have my post coital test and everything looked Great!! the kids are moving in the right direction and my CM is right on the money.. Just hoping that the HcG injection allowed me to O and my egg is waiting there patiently AND they FINALLY get to meet! :)

I am soo excited and hoping that this is it. The only side effects Ive noticed aside from the extremely sore leg where I got my HcG shot in the thigh from.. was sore breasts and nausea. Also Ive noticed a little cramping on the right side (where my Follicle is) and also bad gas starting from last night! HA!!! TMI moment.. Oh well.. its my blog and that's what its here for anyways... :P

So I'm just waiting... waiting... waiting... but also praying.. praying... praying...praying... for my blessing to have come because I have also read a lot of pple who got the shot and still nothing.. so I'm praying for something and my baby to stick and have a healthy full term pregnancy! God please hear my prayers!!! Love always! :)

YiiiiiiPeeeeee!!!!!

Got my HcG shot today!!! so that way I should be able to "O" tonight!!!! YYYYeeeessss!!!! My follicle grew to about 33cm!! YAY!! and hormones are still up there even though of the slight drop yesterday.. but that doesn't matter b/c the HcG shot will blast them back up there and my follicle should burst and I should O tonight when me and DH do our thang! haha!!! :)

I'm soooo happy .. this could be it! I am praying that it is!! Tomorrow I'm going back in for another appt for my post coital test (confirmed) and again on Monday for verification that I did "O" I'm sooooOOooooo Excited!!!! YAY!!

WoW!

Today I went to the dr and just got my BW.. did the BD in the morning!! (dont be mad at me) haha!!! love u!!! ............... anyway.. my estrogen levels have dropped a little from 344- 316. Its not good if I'm trying to "O" because I would need my levels to continue to increase so that It will start my LH and FSH to help release the egg. So I will have to go back to the doc tomorrow to get another U/S and more BW and possibly a HcG injection to help stimulate the "O". Then I may need to come back on Saturday to do this Post Coital test.. which I keep on mentioning but have never done yet.. lol!!!

Dream: I had a dream last night that my estrogen levels dropped and little and it actually happened!! lol! weird?!?! right!?!?! well anyway.. I told the nurse that and she started laughing b/c it really did happen! lol!!!!!

Other than that.. I really have a good feeling that this month I will conceive... don't know what it is.. and being that the doc is monitoring me like everyday is a good thing too and will def. be a big help with helping me conceive this month!!! I'm so excited!!

Pray for me!!!!!

Today and Tomorrow

ABOVE ( Just an image I saw in my mind yesterday and wanted to post something similar to what I saw)

Went to get my BW and US done today. US showing my follicle getting BIGGER!!! I saw that sucker as soon as they went in w/ the probe! lol!!! It went from like 10cm to 18cm in about 4 days!!! lol! they also said that my wall lining is thickening!! so it looks like I'm surely going to O this month!! YAY for meee!!! but its still (according to the dr's) not normal at the cycle that I'm on only CD#6.. they say its something that should happen around CD#14 and on.... ( shrugging shoulders)

Anyhow they did my BW and show that my hormones are supporting my follicle but just no LH charge as yet.. so they want me and DH to do some BDing tonight and then come in tomorrow morning for more BW and I guess do a post coital test on me at that time.. I dont know.. but what I do know is that these appts. are hurting my pockets SERIOUSLY!!! esp. since each visit is like $30!! lol! b/c of my co pay .. but if its going to give me my blessing then I am okay with it. I just need it to come on! lol!!!!!

Love you God!! ;0)

Be Careful of what you ask for..... and other stuff!

LOL! yeah I'm complaining now b/c its like my AF is taking literally FOREVER to finish.. I need to meditate... huuuuuummmmmmmm.... huuuuuuuuummmmm.... huuuuuuuuuuummmmmm...huuuuuuuuuuummmmmmmm :0)

Okay I'm good now! so I get a call from my RE and they tell me that my insurance is not covering my bills b/c they say that this is a pre-existing condition! LIARS! I just got diagnosed with PCOS in July (last month) and have never seen a Doc for these problems because no one would take the time to properly diagnose me!!! My Goodness!!! I guess that waiting was going to be b/c of this insurance problem from when I didn't receive any help with my situation because in order for them to review my coverage I have to get 6 months of my prev records from my primary phys and from this doctor for them to realize that I didn't have any previous condition! oh!!! But God is good and I remembered His goodness and that he is faithful to those who are faithful in Him. So I stopped worrying and started to place all my worries and cares in His hands because He has this! I Love the Lord! Its a comfort that all things will be alright. Even though sometimes we can get wrapped up in the worries of this world its good to know that there is someone else there that is able to handle this all and will take our burdens if we just give it to Him! I love Him sooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo much!!!

I love my family, my husband ( I can never say that too much) My mom and dad and sisters( same with them) .. and of course my friends and close supporters!

OOooooKaaayyy!! Saturday was CD#1 My bad!@

Yeah.. so I guess Sat was CD1 and friday may just have been heavy spotting.. but hey! how would I have known Ive never had that before. N E WAYZzzz..... So I went to the dr on saturday morning and they did UA and I got BW and it turns out I had a left over follicle and its producing estrogen and I couldnt start my clomid yet because they wanted me to get bw and an0ther US today.. So I went this morning and they told me the same thing.. the follicle is still being supported by estrogen and its even bigger.. they said its not common but it does happen that i have it so early in my cycle. They my do a post coital test on me and told me that I may be able to just have intercourse w/out the clomid to try to get preggers! its sounds good but w/ my track record for over a year I am a little discouraged.. Why does this have to happen to me! as soon as I get the script for something that I wanted for about a year now and there is no way that I can use it! I really need some kind of support. I dont even want to be at work today because of this! Its frustrating, upsetting, sometimes depresssing, hurtful ! every emotion that isnt good for me right now. whatever! I can only do what God has set before me.

I think that im going to buy an OPK soon.. since my levels are high that should mean that I will be ovulating.. right?!?! so im going to buy one and see.. cant hurt, right!?!? ill wait for my dr appt on wed to see what im going to do first if they tell me that im looking like im going to O then ill get it... pray for me!!!
Prayerfully yours.

Its Here!! Its Herrrrrrrreee! ;)

Well it came today!!! Well at least a normal flow and I called the dr office to get an appointment to come in. So I will be in tomorrow to get my perscription for clomid. I am praying that it doesnt stop and start spotting again b/c I really want to move on from this point!
im just annoyed to day .. dont know if its b/c of my "friend" or just annoying pple on the phone that i have to deal with! ANNOYING is the best word I can use right now !

Not quite there yet !?!?

lol! had spotting last night but no real flow! so hopefully it will come any day now! Pray for me!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! ;)
oh well.. some more babies r us!! yay!!!! ;0)

UUUUUUUUUUUUUuuuuuugGGGGhhhHHH!!!

STILL NO AF!!! WHAT THE HECK IS GOING ON .. ITS BEEN 5 DAYS SO FAR!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I AM FEELING THE SIDE EFFECTS BUT STILL NOT EVEN A SPOT! GOOD GREIF! I KNOW IM SUPPOSED TO BE PATIENT.. BUT WHY IS IT NOT COMING?????????

****SORRY... JUST HAD TO VENT!! ****

Anywhoo... to build my spirits I think that I will enlighten your vision with some baby stuff that I have seen so far that has caught my attentions.. bedding for her ...

bedding for him...

bedding for both...

.... If I have the time I'll probobly post some of the cribs that I like.....

A prayer from me to you...

Just thought I should share with anyone who is willing to read it. I shared it with my friends and felt compelled to share this prayer:

Heavenly Father, most Gracious and Loving God, I pray to you that you
abundantly bless my family and me. I know that you recognize, that a
family is more than just a mother, father, sister, brother, husband and
wife, but all who believe and trust in you. Father, I send up a prayer
request for blessings for not only the person who sent this to me, but
for me and all that I have forwarded this message on to. And that the
power of joined prayer by those who believe and trust in you is more
powerful than anything. I thank you in advance for your blessings.

Father God, deliver the person reading this right now from debt and
debt's burdens. Release Your Godly wisdom that I may be a good steward
over all that You have given me Father, for I know how wonderful and
mighty You are and how if we just obey You and walk In Your word and
have the faith of a mustard seed that You will pour out blessings. I
thank You now Lord for the recent blessings I have received and for the
blessings yet to come because I know You are not done with me yet. In
Jesus' name, I pray. Amen.

Happy Monday to all!

I am finally finished my provera as of 8/1/08! WHOOO HOOO!! Now just patiently waiting for AF. Have felt a little pressure as if it is going to start soon but still nothing as yet. (geez.. who would of thought that I would be happy to get my AF!!!) go figure!! lol! I just know that I want to start my clomid! I am just being patient because I KNOW that its going to happen. My prayer is that on my first round of clomid and metformin that I will conceive. I LOVE children and babies. They are so wonderful, precious and beautiful!

I Love my Husband! xoxo

Last night me and my DH were driving home and he looked at me and called me his hero. I never expected that and it caught me off guard but I thought that it was so sweet! It was so random.. He said it because of all the things that I have been through so for but I keep on pushing on... '' keeeeep on pressing my way... keeeeeep on pressing my way.. though the storms may come, in my life, may make me shed, a tear or two.. Iiiiii Feeeeel Like pressing.... MY WAY!" - just a song that was in my spirit... :0)

I just couldn't wait to share this with all my blogger friends today. Little things like that make me stronger and makes me feel better about the current situation. I can do all things, through Christ, which Strengtheneth Me!

I got this email to day and I wanted to share it because it was so relevant talking about God in this world.. Here goes...

This is one of the best explanations of why God allows pain and
suffering that I have heard...
A man went to a barbershop to have
his hair cut and his beard trimmed.

As the barber began to work, they began to have a good
conversation. They talked about so many things and various subjects.
When they eventually touched on the subject of God, the barber
said:

"I don't believe that God exists."

"Why do you say that?" asked the customer. "Well, you just have
to go out in the street to realize that God doesn't exist.

Tell me, if God exists, would there be so many sick people?
Would there be abandoned children?
If God existed, there would be neither suffering nor pain.

I can't imagine a loving God who would allow all of these
things."

The customer thought for a moment,
but didn't respond because he didn't want to start an argument.
The barber finished his job and the customer left the shop.

Just after he left the barbershop, he saw a man in the street

with long, stringy, dirty hair and an untrimmed beard.
He looked dirty and unkempt. The customer turned back and
entered the barber shop again and he said to the barber:

"You know what? Barbers do not exist."

"How can you say that?" asked the surprised barber. "I am here,
and I am a barber. And I just worked on you!"

"No!" the customer exclaimed. "Barbers don't exist because if
they did, there would be no people with dirty long hair and
untrimmed beards, like that man outside."


"Ah, but barbers DO exist! That's what happens when people do

not come to me."

"Exactly!" affirmed the customer. "That's the point! God, too,
DOES exist!
That's what happens when people do not go to Him and don't look
to Him for help.
That's why there's so much pain and suffering in the world."

BE BLESSED & BE A BLESSING TO OTHERS !!!!!

A lot of changes

Today I started to experiment with different blogs.. so If you start to see different colors all over the place no need to be alarmed.. no one has phished into my account.. i may change up depending on my mood.. today I'm feeling a little green.. so I chose this one.. I am still trying to get the gist of everything and set up my page and find different ideas on other bloggers pages to see what else I can do.. Its very cool what you can do its my own little space on the web! tee hee hee!!!! ;)

As far as today I'm feeling just fine.. better than okay! lol! A little stomach upsetness but nothing major.. just 3 more days of taking my Provera and waiting for my AF .. wouldn't think that I would be so excited to see THAT! but I need it to move on to my next phase in life! haha!

At work on my lunch break right now.. maybe ill pick up on something later.. I'm going to eat some Chinese today.. been wanting it for some time now!! so I'm happy.. Also trying to jot down everything i eat for the next 2 days so that I can start this Health First program that my RE referred me to b.c of my weight and insulin levels.. So I am happy about that too.. seems like ever since they forgot about me that have def. been on top of things.. Lol!!! oh well.. guess that's just the way it goes! ;)

today is okay~

Its been a little crazy.. Started taking metformin and unfort. I got the side effects. I was home w/ the stomach virus symtoms on thurs and friday.. now when I take the med it doesnt effect me as bad.. Guess I am getting used to it. Thank God!! b/c I didnt know how i was going to function with taking this everyday.. its good b/c its helping my insulin stay down and I am HAPPY!! truly I am b/c it is helping me get closer to my goal and I can finally have some type of answers to my health issues and dealing w/ PCOS.. Not too much to say today.. but that im back at work and praying for God to give me the strength to make it through to my next vacation day. haha!!

Heeeelllo All! :D

Yes I AM quite chipper today... even though I have returned from work from my fabulous getaway vacation I am in good spirits. Well the trip was wonderful, it was very spiritual and uplifting and RELAXING!!! I didn't get my AF the whole time I was there but it didn't stress me out. I just enjoyed the time I had and went swimming and chilled out.
So let me get right to it.. I called my RE and told them that I haven't gotten my AF as yet and its been well over a month.. They rushed me in this morning to see me and got blood work done also and ultrasound and finally had a semi consult with my DR. Turns out I am not ovulating at all (which I already figured out) and have officially been diagnosed with PCOS. SoooOOooo the magical words of medication came across and guess what!!! I will be starting Clomid soon!!!! WOOHOO!!!! RING THE ALARMS!!! this is def. an exciting moment for me b/c I have been talking about this drug for about a year now! haha!!! My RE is going to start me on Provera to get my AF started and also I'm going to start with Metformin then on like the 3rd day of my AF I will be starting on clomid!! YAY MEEEE!!! I'm getting closer and closer to my blessing!!!!!!!

Side bar... while we were away on vaca we stopped @ a mall I LOVE going into motherhood... looked at a couple clothes and I was going to buy a dress there.. but didn't.. I like it b/c it gives me some hope of what is to come.. but I am loving the fact that I had some good news at my appointment today. I truly thank God about this appointment, and knowing that He can fix any situation makes me have some type of sanity! I am SOOOO excited yall!!! :D

I may be posting pics of baby stuff that I would want... just for the fun of it... I love looking at babies r us!! (snicker)

Happy Happy Monday!!!

Today is Monday and it is rainy and gloomy outside.. I LOVE IT!! I love the rain and even more thunderstorms!!! Makes you want to curl up in bed all day get comfortable near my hubby and watch TV!! but of course in the real world, we have to WORK!! :)

Of course a little tired today b/c of the weather but even more because last week I didn't get proper sleep b/c we were out after work almost everyday weather on church engagements or going to family engagements. So I'm kind of pooped today.

You know sometimes you get that feeling that you don't want to be bothered anymore and have people keep asking you when you are going to have a baby. It can get frustrating but then on the other hand, people can't help it. So some things you have to accept and stay humble. The Lord has defiantly given me a new peace that I have a little more patience. I think its because our blessing will be happening soon I hope and pray.

DH and I had a convo in the car last night about what we think we would have first.. a boy or girl... but he never answered but he always speaks of the baby and says "he" or "his" while I always say "she" or "hers" lol! so I think that that answered that question. Then we thought about having twins and how that would be.. we both agreed if we had a boy and girl fraternal twins we would be done for a while at least.. that would be nice! lol! but even one baby would be awesome b/c we would be able to spend good quality time and it would allow us to grow as parents and not be rushed too much... but of course our God has all the say in this!! Which I am happy about because He will do us no harm!!

P.S. I get to go on my vacation starting on Wednesday .. going to North Carolina and Virginia.. cant wait!!! its well needed.. Just relaxing and getting away from EVERYTHING!!! and also I haven't gotten my AF yet!?!? hmmmmm.... now I would of thought i was preggers if I hadn't of just taken the blood test @ my RE's office last week.. now I don't know whats up. I really hope that my body is NOT going to start missing periods again! I really hope not b/c I don't want to go through that again... and I don't know why I am being teased up to the moment to where I'm almost done with my testing and then it doesn't want to come! UGH!!!!!

And today too will pass....

So today I went to my dr appt from being forgotten about.. and as I was sitting there I was just remembering the last times I was sitting in front of the flowery wall paper that's inside of the examination wall and thinking to myself.. "hmmm, how many more times am I going to see this wall and not be pregnant, just doing more and more tests and blood work" So I thought to make this blog titled ..."And today too will pass.." because I know that this visit will be merely a remembrance in my mind when I think back over this whole process..

Any who... So I went to my RE today and guess what.... seriously, guess!! Okay ready..........
THEY DIDN'T HAVE A CLUE WHY I WAS THERE!!!! LOL!!! I really don't feel like this is funny but I just have to laugh and thank God for the wisdom that he has given me b/c sometimes you have to question the people who you put ur lives at risk to... I mean I JUST spoke to one of the Nurses on the 8th about how they forgot about me and got me scheduled for an appointment 3 days later and you guys don't know anything?!?! So after probing me about the conversation that I had and getting notes from only He knows where they were able to put "something" together and helped me out today..

So they decided since my EC Biopsy and PCT were missed then they will still do the blood PG test and also get me in for my EC Biopsy. That was good to hear b/c at least Im knocking two birds with one stone by only paying my co-pay for one instead of two separate visits.. So they took my blood and unfortunately I got a BFN for the test but at least they could continue on with the EC Biopsy. So they did that.. Now mind you I was in the office from 7:40AM until 10:05AM. for this whole process.. Didn't expect that at all b/c I would have taken time off of work.. but oh well what is done is done..

Just and FYI, I am praying that I will NEVER have to do an EC Biopsy again!!!! My goodness that crap HURTS!! I feel that I am pretty good with paid but they were not lying about the cramping feeling.. I mean I know that they are literally tearing pieces of my from the inside but that was soooo painful!!!! Well labor is apparently worse than that so I guess this is what its leading up to!

So now they are telling me to call back when the first day of my AF comes.. which I haven't felt any symptoms from as of yet.. (thats why I had hope that I may be preggers). So I don't know whats going on.. I did workout a little but not that much to alter it.. But who knows how mother nature is .. who knows.. but ill KIT!!!

One of my fears has come true!!

OHHHH NoooOOOooo!!! I didn't want this to happen.. not with this doctor at least. But alas it has. I was FORGOTTEN!!! See this is my story.. I have always wanted a baby for as long as I could remember as a child and still do even more. So now that I am married and doing it the right way and nothing is happening that takes a toll on someone. Soooo you would think that the Dr.'s would care about how you feel and that this is just not working for you with the time but noooooo they don't.. They make me feel like they just don't care sometimes.. having to wait 6 months to find out that the whole time that my one of my tubes is blocked is totally unacceptable!!!! Its ridiculous! Thanks for hurting someone.. I hope u get paid a lot for destroying the hope that that 6 months had for a loving couple! It really does hurt.. :(

As I said before I can wait on Gods timing but it is not an easy thing to do. I know that all the set backs and everything else that comes in front of us is only God because only He can allow anything to happen. As a human it is hard and easily said than done.
Just to let you know what sparked this today I will talk about it now. Well I call my RE to get results from my glucose test and my DH's analysis. After playing phone tag they finally got a hold of me and told me that they don't go over any results with me and it will be given at my consultation with the RE when all the tests are complete. Okay that's cool I say but when do I meet with my RE.... hmmmmmmm.. well that will be after I do an edometrial biopsy and also a post-coital test WHICH WERE SUPPOSED TO HAVE BEEN GIVEN TO ME ALREADY!!! BUT THEY FORGOT ABOUT ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! UGH!!!!!! I am so pissed about that! I specifically asked for a followup appointment to be made when I was done my last appointment and they specifically told me that I would have to wait and someone would call me and contact me to tell me what to do next. I told the Nurse this and she said that I was supposed to follow the worksheet they gave me.. BUT I DID!~ I am the one who has to call after a week to find out what else I have to do because I have no idea on when I'm going to get a call or anything.. I'm floating in space waiting for a call to come back! this is just crazy!!

Now please don't get me wrong, I'm not a brat or one of those people who HAS to have it their way.. but after waiting so long for something that comes so naturally to some takes so long for me then on top of that have been lied to about results and not come up front with when questions are asked.. So I feel like I'm running out of time and its crucial to me. My wish and prayer is to be pregnant with our blessing by the end of this year and I really don't want to waste time. Everything works in Gods timing but this is sincerely my prayer to Him.

So anyway, I got an appointment for this Friday for a pregnancy test to make sure I am not pregnant before they start back up with the tests that they FORGOT TO SCHEDULE ME FOR! Oh how I pray that when I go on Friday that that pregnancy test says that I am pregnant.. Oh I would be elated!! I cant wait!!! but if not I wont be upset .. I will follow thru and I have definitely learned my lesson on waiting on people. I will bug the mess out of those people until they get me pregnant! LOL! if that is the way I have to be then I will do it! and I wont feel bad about it AT ALL!
I PRAY EVERYTHING WILL WORK OUT!!

Exercising..... and other things on my mind...

Yes.. the dreaded "E" word! LOL!!!! Well just to get started it is. I try to walk every now and again @ work but its just not as consistant as I want it to be. So me and my buddy are going to go walking tomorrow and the day after at a local track.. Looking forward to it b/c I know that its a healthy thing to do for life and especially since I am trying to conceive. I have been meaning to buy a treadmill but I just can not afford one right now. The little extra money that we have has to go to something else. No biggie, I may be able to get one at the end of August. But I know that it will help me whip my behind in shape!
.. On other news.. my DH went to get his semen analysis done!!! yay!! I'm excited because its still one more step to our blessing! I just get butterflies whenever I think about it!!! ;D
So I'm just waiting to see when they will call me for my next appointment to followup or to see what the next step is. I am desperately wanting to go on Clomid because I heard that this really works.. but first things first.. mommy has to be okay first... so I am satisfied with everything the way it is now.. moving but not too fast. OH BTW, I got my results back from my glucose... just waiting on the doc. to say what the numbers mean... I don't know as yet but I will update as soon as he lets me know..

Sleepy Head

Today is such a drag!!! I am so tired.. between church and work I am wiped out today. I need a vacation.. Lying in a hammock between two coconut trees with the wind blowing on the Caribbean island water and my drink (virgin of course) in my hand with my pineapple and umbrella! :D
So I have gotten my blood work done this morning. Started at 8:00 am and ended around 10:00 am. It really gave me a headache drinking that sweet sugary stuff they gave me to drink.. yuk! BUT! I will do anything to get me closer and I am thankful for the forward step. I should know the results by the end of this week. I thank God for the little things in life and I thank him for preserving me and keeping me safe from the enemies harm. I thank Him for strength and a sound mind. I thank Him for His forgiveness and mercy. Oh I thank Him! He is wonderful!!! I am sooo glad that I have Him in my life. I would be so lost without Him!
Just thinking about how life could have been without Him, is almost unbearable! It would be chaotic and just a mess. Stressful and never ending saga's!

WOW!!

Wow! I am actually going to start a page about my journey of having our blessing.. our baby. Me and my DH have been TTC for about 1 &1/2 years now, and even though it is not as long as others, so us it seems like forever right now. We both are very strong in our faith and believe that all things work in God's timing. So while we wait for Him to decide when its a good time for us to have our blessing, I decided to start this blog. It will be fun for me to write down my journey and have others read and who knows, it may help someone who will read it or come across it searching the web or anything. I am so excited! I will try to stay on top of everything and make frequent stops and updates.

So a little about us. ... I married my DH in November 2006 and we have been happily married ever since. We have always wanted children and have been TTC for about 1 year now. We were having problems mainly because of me. It took me 4 OBG's to finally figure out that I needed to get laparoscopy in December 2006 to diagnose me with Endo after having a painful previous year and loosing so much blood that I became anemic. We were told to start trying to conceive after the surgery because my OB didn't think that there was any problem with us getting pregnant.. Well.... 6 months later and no baby I finally asked my OB to send us a referral to an RE.

Went to my first consultation and loved it!! My RE started me on pre-natals (which none of my OB's ever did!) and they got me started on a check list with things that I need to get done and what order they are going to do it in and how each method will help them in determining how I can get pregnant.. AWESOME!!!!!

Let the blood work begin!!!!!! So I had blood tests done and my insulin checked. Where the normal range is from 0.0-around 26.0 mine was extremely high at 64.0 for my insulin. I have been checked for diabetes in the past but was always told all my levels are under control. My DH went online and researched this for me because of course, I was stressing! ( I mean, how can my levels be so high?!? and what does that mean?? ) He saw that I may have PCOS and the symptoms were right down my lane! So now I am currently on a mission to get this evaluated by my RE. I am going to get my glucose 2 hour test done on this Monday.I cant wait because at least I can be diagnosed properly if I was previously misdiagnosed with endo. But on the other hand this is another issue that I will have to get through if I do have PCOS.